Pesukim on Invitations

Question: I sometimes receive wedding invitations that include pesukim. Am I allowed to throw them away, or do they need to go in sheimos?

Answer: The Gemara (Shabbos 115b) states that one who writes berachos unnecessarily is as if they have burned the Torah, since such writings are likely to be discarded and treated disrespectfully. For this reason, Rambam (Teshuvos Harambam 268) and the Shulchan Aruch (YD 283:4) rule that pesukim should not be written on a tallis.

Regarding the use of short pesukim on documents, the Gemara (Gittin 6b) presents a machlokes as to whether writing three or four consecutive words from a passuk on a document gives it the status of kedusha. As a result, Rambam (Sefer Torah 7:14) and the Shulchan Aruch (YD 283:3) disagree on the matter. The Tashbetz (1:2) clarifies that this concern does not apply when the words are rearranged or written on separate lines rather than in a single, continuous phrase.

R’ Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe YD 2:135) writes that he did not include any pesukim on his own children’s wedding invitations and advises others to follow the same practice. Elsewhere (Igros Moshe YD 4:38:4), he notes that although splitting the words across separate lines avoids the technical issue of writing a full passuk, it is still preferable to omit pesukim altogether. Similarly, R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichos Shlomo, Tefillah 20:n72) was not in favour of printing pesukim on invitations, explaining that if a complete passuk appears, the invitation would require genizah (burial).

In conclusion, one should ideally refrain from printing pesukim on invitations. If one receives such an invitation, it should be wrapped in a plastic bag before being disposed of, in order to show proper respect (see Teshuvos Vehanhagos 1:554).

Leaving Dinner Early

Question: If I want to leave a chasuna early, what do I do about bentching with a mezuman?

Answer: There are two potential issues with leaving a chasuna early. The first is whether one who is part of a large gathering can bentch without a mezuman of ten.

The Shulchan Aruch (OC 193:1) writes that one eating along with nine other men must not leave early and bentch with a smaller mezuman without a minyan. The Mishna Berura (200:5) writes that if one really needs to leave early, it is best if he makes a zimun with two others.

The second issue is whether one can miss the sheva berachos that are recited after bentching.

R’ Yitzchak Yaakov Weiss (Minchas Yitzchak 2:43:15) writes that while sheva berachos needs to be recited at the meal, that doesn’t mean everyone needs to participate. The Gemara and poskim make no mention of staying as they do for bentching. Thus, one who can’t stay until the end may leave early. R’ Eliezer Waldenberg (Tzitz Eliezer 11:84) agrees, writing that only those who participate in the bentching together with a zimun of ten are obligated to join in with the sheva berachos. It would be wrong, though, to gather a minyan to bench and say the sheva berachos without the chassan and kallah.

R’ Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe OC 1:56) writes, however, that everyone who participates in the meal is obligated to participate in the sheva berachos. Thus, one who doesn’t want to stay until the sheva berachos must stipulate before they eat that they don’t want to be included with everyone else and that they want to eat and bentch alone. Accordingly, one would bentch without a mezuman.

R’ Moshe Stern (Be’er Moshe 3:32) argues that the obligation to join in for sheva berachos only applies when the chassan and kalla are bentching, and not earlier. He challenges the basis for making such a stipulation, and suggests that one should rather ensure that he washes after the others, so that he isn’t starting to eat together with everyone else. Even if one does this, one would be allowed to make a mezuman, preferably with a minyan, but otherwise with just two others.

In conclusion, it is ideal if one can bentch with a mezuman of ten. If one knows that they need to leave early in advance, it is best to stipulate in advance that one doesn’t want to participate in the communal meal and wash at a different time. One who didn’t make this stipulation and needed to leave, could make a mezuman, even with two other men if necessary.

Adding Hot water to Cholent

Question: If my cholent dries out on Shabbos, may I add hot water to the pot?

Answer: The Shulchan Aruch (OC 318:4) writes that one can pour hot water into a hot dish that has already been cooked on Shabbos. Yet, elsewhere, the Shulchan Aruch (OC 253:5) writes that it is forbidden to pour hot water from a kettle into a pot of food. The Beis Yosef (OC 253:15) explains that we are worried that the dish has cooled down and it is now being ‘cooked again’ by the hot water (or vice versa). Thus, providing both pots are hot, it should be permitted to pour from one to the other.

Nonetheless, R’ Benzion Abba Shaul (Ohr Letzion 2:17:8) writes that there are other reasons why the Shulchan Aruch writes this halacha and one shouldn’t add hot water to the pot regardless as to whether it’s on the stove or not. Thus, R’ Ovadia Yosef (Yechave Daas 4:22) writes that sefardim should ideally not add hot water to hot dishes.

R’ Yehoshua Neuwirth (Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasa 1:16) writes that one may transfer the contents of one pot to another while they’re both on a blech (See Mishna Berura 318:84). Quoting R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (1:n44), he writes that ideally one should pour the water directly from the urn, though if necessary one can use a cup (kli sheni) to pour the water providing the water is still hot (See Minchas Yitzchak 6:20; 10:18; Rivevos Ephraim 1:246).

As one cannot stir the pot while it’s on the flame (maygis), one should pour the water in slowly (See Rambam, Shabbos 9:4) or remove the pot from the flame before adding water.

In conclusion, while many sefardim avoid doing so on Shabbos, ashkenazim may add hot water to a hot cholent pot on Shabbos providing that the food is fully cooked and is on a blech.

Bas Mitzva Celebrations

Question: Should girls celebrate their bas mitzva with a seuda?

Answer: The Magen Avraham (OC 225:4) writes that parents are obligated to make a seuda for their son on the day of his bar mitzva just as one does when he marries.

R’ Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe OC 1:104) wrote that while one can celebrate one’s bas mitzva at home, it is no different to any other birthday party. He continues that if it were up to him, he would even put a stop to bar mitzva celebrations, especially as they often have little religious content and can cause chillul Shabbos. Elsewhere, (Igros Moshe OC 2:97) he questions why there is a difference at all between celebrating a boy’s bar mitzva and a girl’s bas mitzva.

He later wrote (Igros Moshe OC 4:36) that it is appropriate to make a kiddush in shul to mark this milestone.

R’ Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg (Seridei Aish 3:93), however, argues that while people didn’t celebrate bas mitzvas in the olden days, times have changed. Girls attending Beis Yaakov schools is a relatively modern phenomena, one that has greatly benefitted us. Likewise, celebrating one’s bas mitzva can only be seen as a positive ‘innovation’.
Similarly, R' Ephraim Greenblatt (Rivevos Ephraim 1:158) writes that parents should make a seuda for their daughters turning bas mitzva, as it is no different to a boy turning bar mitzva.

Similarly, R’ Ovadia Yosef (Yabia Omer 6 OC:29; Yechave Daas 2:29) felt very strongly that one should celebrate one’s bas mitzva with a seuda just as one does for a bar mitzva. He quotes various acharonim who write about the importance of making a seuda for a bar mitzva and demonstrates how their reasons apply equally to girls.

He concludes that providing there are divrei Torah and songs of praise, the celebrations are deemed a seudas mitzva.